Last week was
#WorldMentalHealthDay. I had a whole post drafted in my brain, but when the day came, I couldn't make it happen. Why? Because my brain was too busy trying to fend off a panic attack. Ironic, no?
I've been dealing with anxiety for most of my adult life. In my mid-twenties, a combination of hypnotherapy and medication successfully got me back on track, and I was able to wean myself off the medication in time to get pregnant with my twins.
Fast forward about a year and a half. I didn't realize it at the time, but I suffered from some serious postpartum depression and anxiety for the first 7 months of my twins' life. I cried nearly every day. I snapped at my husband for the littlest things. I lay awake at night, vividly imagining all the horrible things that could happen to my children. I didn't think about hurting them or myself, so PPD didn't even cross my mind. I chalked it up to hormones and sleep deprivation.
One night, when I was wide awake and worried at 3am, scrolling through my phone while fighting off tears, I came across an article from @pregnantchicken titled "What a Google Search Won’t Tell You About Postpartum Depression." Like me, the author was unknowingly in the depths of PPD, and her straightforward account of what she went through was like a lighthouse cutting through the fog. The next day I tearfully admitted to my husband that I thought I might have postpartum depression, called my health insurance for a therapist referral, and started the first steps to getting better.
Now my girls are almost 2, and therapy + medication is working for me again. I still have some hard days like last week, but on the whole I feel much more balanced.
Anxiety is exhausting. It turns your brain into its own worst enemy, constantly lying to you to make you feel less than. If you're going through this, you're not alone, and you deserve to feel better. I promise. 💚
#Regram w/ permission via the wonderful @anxiousmoms